001: Butter London ‘Sprog‘ // 002: Cute storage // 003: ASOS studded clutch // 004: Topshop high tops // 005: Topshop ‘Sea Mist‘ // 006: It’s all about the huge neck wear // 007: Geometric luuurve // 008: I will sleep!! // 009: Butter London ‘Muggins‘ // 010: Just posin’ // 011: Lazy PJ day // 012: Mini splurge // 013: Last chance to get the toes out before winter sets in // 014: Bath Abbey // 015: Birthday chocolates, yum and yum // 016: Safari! // 017: Deer feeding 🙂 // 018: Plymouth, on a good day // 019: New favourite poem // 020: Mocha love // 021: Beefing up the hair // 022: Longleat House // 023: Whoops // 024: BF gave me his heart… // 025: I’m not sharing my wish with you, it won’t come true // 026: These little guys weren’t shy! // 027: Bath Abbey
Things I’ve learnt this last, umm, while..?
- Butter London nail varnishes, oh my, they’re AWESOME! I tested them out, love the consistency, apply so easily and lasted 8 days, let me repeat EIGHT days before chipping! I’m pretty lazy when it comes to changing my varnish, I just want to apply it and leave it to look awesome, no maintenance here please. I’ll definitely be purchasing some more, Fiddlesticks from their new holiday collection is the next on my list.
- I never thought I’d own a pair of wedge high tops, but I now own two pairs! This pair from Office are also super cool, super comfy.
- Plymouth really isn’t so bad, when the sun is shining. I’m such a coastal girl.
I feel in a bit of a daze of late. It’s kinda swooped up on me, slapped me in the face whilst simultaneously throwing me in a choke hold. I don’t know if it was hitting another birthday; albeit they’ve never affected me before, or something else. 31. Thirty-funkin-one. Geez, is this where I’m supposed to be in life at 31? Really? My baby ticking clock hasn’t hit me, but my life one has, and damn has it knocked me off my feet.
Last night whilst out to dinner with some awesome friends, I made a wish whilst blowing out the birthday candles, and it’s big, and it’s huge, and it’s daunting. I’ve read enough psychology books to know if you’ve got a big fat goal you break it down into bite sized chunks, I get that. But this, this just seems epic, like I could be chewing for a lifetime and still never get there. It’s scary stuff.
*Types “life mentor” into Google and hits return*
October, where did you come from?! You’ve completely snuck up on me with no warning and taken me off guard. The heating is now on, the layers are being wrapped around me tightly, when the work hours finish my mind instantly wonders to sofa slumbering and warming, comforting food.
But there’s not too much time for squidging up in warm cozy nooks, October is also the month of birthday celebrations. This year I hope to enter a new age in a relaxed, loved, simple kind of way. BF and I are meeting after a far too long a gap for copious amounts of cuddles and cocktails, and an explore of Bath and thermal pools when we can tare ourselves away. A small intimate dinner date with close friends to seal the deal when I return, and that’ll be me, another year older, another year of finding myself.
At the age of (almost) 31 I’m approximately 3,724 miles away form where I thought I’d be, and it’s only in the last few days and months I’ve felt I know truly where I want to be. That place is scary, it’s filled with uncertain challenges, but it also feels right and where I belong. I’m scared to take the steps I know I need to walk, but I’m petrified to remain in my current life. It’s had it’s time, but it’s now time to add itself into my memories for new days and journeys ahead.
You have no idea what you’re wishing me luck for, but I’ll take all the luck that’s kindly offered into my next chapter…
Ok so yeah, this is a different kind of post from me. Why? I WANT on this course! Or maybe NEED? Want/need, not usually the same thing, but in this instance, it is. I’ve umm’d and ahh’d on how to get down what I want to say, and it feels all uncomfortable getting all these feelings out (one of my many typical INFJ traits), like I’m about to get all naked, even with all my clothes still on.
Now, let’s step back to the beginning. Waaaaaaay back.
I knew I wanted to do something creative from a very young age, I also knew I wanted to work for myself. I sucked at school (a bit of bullying will kill your confidence, teamed with never being able to see the board from not wearing my NHS budget free glasses will easily suck the life out of a pretty bright kid). Ok, maybe I didn’t completely suck, but I was very much middle of the road. I did the best I could keeping my head above water in class, and hiding myself into the background in any form of social way. Team that with going to a failing school, and parents telling me I should be a doctor, lawyer, accountant, instead of enter the creative world as I so deeply desired, lead for a pretty lonely and mixed up youth.
We jump forward a few years and I attend college, a fresh start from anyone who previously knew me, and I had 2 of the best years of my life surrounded by new creative people, in a design school. Now I guess things should have picked up from here, life should have ‘really started’ now I’d sent myself in to this new direction. Well it did, for a while, but life doesn’t always work out quite that peachy. It generally has a few more (hard) lessons it wants to teach you – and boy did my life want to learn the lessons it had up it’s sleeve for me.
After ass whooping lesson number 258:
I found myself very rich in life experience (the good, the bad, and the damn right fugly), but pretty damn poor in what I really wanted. The unfortunate trap of listening to what everyone else thinks would be best for you, what society deems the acceptable path you follow. In a nutshell, it can make you pretty friggin’ miserable. I’ll admit it, I’ve bought that miserable t-shirt, wore it to death, sewn it back up, and worn it to death some more. The t-shirt was never in style when I bought it, and it certainly wasn’t when I finally took it off. I won’t lie, it’s hard, soooooo hard, and scary too, going against what everyone tells you is the right thing to do, to go stand alone and say “no, THIS is right for me”, but oh the joyful, peaceful, beautiful, exciting sense of calm and fulfilment it gives you. And that’s what’s lead me to not only start this blog, but get my derrière on James’ course. I want more of that feeling, A LOT more. I’ve experienced it in small doses, and I’m craving, yearning for more, and bar sell my sole (oh wait, already done that! Lesson number 137 maybe??) I’m prepared to do pretty much anything to get it.
And what do I want to do with all this new learning?
Very good question dear reader, as always. Quite a few things actually, but I’ll explain the most important two to me.
I want to start (truly) leading the life I want to lead. I’m not naive enough to think it won’t be hard work, but when you’re doing something that you truly want to, that you truly feel is right, the hard work never seems to matter quite so much, it soon gets replaced with that lovely fulfilment feeling.
Not only do I want to use this opportunity to fill all my own self needs and wants, but I also want to be able to use it in a way I can inspire others. That ‘misery’ t-shirt doesn’t suit anyone, and whoever I can help inspire take off that raggedy old thing, and replace it with a far more fetching, confident, inspired, energising t-shirt, then that’s what I will do. I’m not really sure if I believe in karma, but I’d like to think so at times, and when someone presents you with an opportunity such as this, putting some goodness back out there in return makes my insides feel all ‘whole’ and warm and fuzzy again.
So I’ll take your words of encouragement, and feel free to cross those fingers for me too, cos I’m off to get me that new career!
I’ve made a few mistakes in life. Ok, more than a few. Ok, ok, more than my fair share. But one of them has certainly been to listen to society and what’s socially exactable over myself and my own gut feelings, over what REALLY makes me happy. It’s not going to be a overnight project, but I’m in the process of changing that.
As I’ve said before, I like my job, but do I LOVE it? No. Does my dream job exist as an employee? Again, no. So I need to create it. I’ve a feeling it’s going to be a long road to get there, full of hard work and uncertain times, (and more than likely a few more mistakes too), but create it I will.
Bonus. Two for one this month, but they kinda fit together(-ish) for me.
Having done the Myers Brigg test, (I’m an INFJ by the way), it explains I tend to see things a little differently (at least I feel I do) from most people I meet. The hard thing is, reminding myself that’s ‘ok’, and not following the crowds. And the second, yeah, I want different things from life now. I’ve done what I thought I should, and whilst I’m not unhappy, I can’t say I’m 100% content, so, it’s time to turn things upside down, inside out a little, and start heading down that path I really want to follow. I’m currently 48% scared, 52% excited, slightly bewildered on where to start (another excuse for a great list me thinks), but start I shall.
Oh July. Maybe you’ll bring summer, as June has let us down. Ok, slight understatement.
Myself and BF were due to be going Edinburgh at the end of July, however now we’re talking a mini break in August, maybe Marrakech, maybe Barcelona, maybe Stockholm… I’m getting that strong fidgety feeling of needing to escape right now, and this could be perfect, especially if it’s going to give me a dose of
much MUCH needed sunshine.
Anyway, WELCOME July! Let’s see what fun you’re going to bring us.